Internet Dating Story 2

Sandi wrote: I met a man on one of the internet personals sites. We'll call him Dick, which is not his real name, but probably should be. Dick and I emailed for a while, discovered we had some things in common and lived within just a few miles of each other. Email led to phone conversations, and admittedly Dick tended to dominate any and all conversations, but I thought to myself, "He's just nervous and trying to impress. He'll quiet down a little as we get to know each other."

Dick and I eventually decided to meet in person. During dinner and after-dinner drinks, he spoke at a volume that was deafening. He talked about his ex-girlfriend, ex-wives, his successful accounting practice, his achievements, his prowess at anything and everything (including sex), and barely drew breath. He even told me he was a narcissist, as though that were an achievement to be proud of in itself! He never once asked a single question about me or my life.

At the end of the date, he suggested we get together for dinner the next evening, and in an effort to give him a second chance, I agreed. The next day came and went and not a word from him. A week went by and I decided he had just lost interest, and I was by no means heartbroken.

6 months later, at 1:00 am in the morning, the phone rang. Upon checking my voicemail, there was a drunken, slurred message, not saying who it was but begging me to call! My Caller ID showed me this charming alcholic dialogue was from Dick. So I ignored it.

Another month went by, and then there was another voicemail, this time sober, apologizing for the last voicemail and suggesting we get together. An email followed the voicemail. So I gave Dick yet another chance.

On the next date, Dick again dominates the conversation in a booming voice, and when the waitress arrives with the check for the pre-dinner cocktails, Dick turns to me and says, "Would you prefer to pay for the drinks, or for dinner?" The waitress informs Dick that if he was a gentleman, he would pay for both. I opt to pay for the drinks and Dick accepts.

3 days go by from this date, and I receive another drunken phone call from Dick, who apparently spent too much time that day at the 19th hole. Dick was so hammered as to be almost incoherent, but managed to ask if I enjoyed anal sex. I hung up on him.

Another few days, and Dick calls to apologize. He explains that his ex-girlfriend had called him, which prompted the drinking binge, and it won't happen again. We set a date to go to a baseball game at the end of the week.

Arriving at his house for the baseball date, he hands me a bouquet of 4 beautiful roses. I am thrilled and thank him for being so thoughtful and sweet. Now I'm thinking maybe he's an okay guy! Until he explains that it was the 20th anniversary of a lady friend of his, and when he went to the florist with the intention of buying 20 roses for her, the florist advised that buying 2 dozen roses would be cheaper. He had 4 left over. Lucky me!

Unfortunately, even before the baseball date, I had asked him over for a home cooked dinner at my house the following week. During dinner, he sat down so heavily on my diningroom chair, that he shattered it. Without word of apology, he simply stated that he would take my chair, repair it and return it.

The next date we arranged, he stood me up. And at this point, I decided I had really had enough. But he had my dining chair! After several requests to retrieve said chair without success, I was forced to ask a male co-worker to accompany me to Dick's house to get my now-hostage dining chair back!

My male co-worker said that even someone as stupid and self-absorbed as Dick would surely realize the retrieval of the chair meant The End of the relationship. Hopefully he is right, as I haven't heard from Dick since. But somehow I just know, at 1:00 am in the morning sometime soon, there'll be yet another drunken plea to meet up again. And the answer, folks, will be a resounding NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Good for you Sandi, though you let it drag on too long as it was. That is precisely the problem with Internet dating. You don't see people's actions. All you can do is read their words. And through their words they can misrepresent themselves or not reveal their characters.

Dick proclaims himself to be a narcissist and sounds proud of it. He is obviously one of theDirty Seven--actually a combination of types but most predominantly: ScarMan because he rants on and on about his exes and even brings you left-overs from the bouquet he bought for another woman.

Where you went wrong was inviting him over for dinner. He didn't deserve that kind of royal treatment. I would have ended even before the drunken call about anal sex. But Sandi, you were too nice. It should have never gotten to the broken chair stage. However, to call what you two had a "relationship" is stretching it. Who were you relating to? Were you relating at all? Or was it a case of a lonely girl hoping to piece together the semblance of a relationship out of the wrong raw materials?

Giving jerks a chance after they have repeatedly shown themselves to be jerks is not the way to build a relationship.

For more info: Read my books The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware and Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters. Also see the Internet Dating Stories website.