Dimitri the Lover: SideMan Exposed

In my book The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I list the seven types of men on the dating scene, who are dead ends as lovers, mates, or husbands. They are actively seeking a relationship with you, but are unable to sustain a happy one, for you. SideMan is one example.

SideMan is already in a relationship with someone else, and he either tells you about it up-front, or allows you to discover it on your own. If he tells you about it, he says he and his wife/live-in girlfriend live separate lives and they don't have sex. If he does not tell you, and you discover it, he says "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to lose you."

SideMen are abundant. They are looking for variety. A little something on the side. To spice up their day. Let's take the example of Canada's infamous Dimitri the Lover. He was a physician who came on to his female patients and lost his license as a result. Here is his explanation:

"At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients."

Let's dissect his statement. He had not had sex with his wife for a year and a half. He blames his wife for this, not reflecting on how he contributed to the situation. Instead of attempting to fix the problem at home, he points the finger at the "dysfunctional" wife. As a physician, the only solution he could find was to get it on with women on the side.

"It was a tough time because I was very horned up." This is a plea for pity. We are supposed to feel sorry for him. This makes it all right that he abused the presumed relationship of trust between a doctor and a patient. But he was busy, so we should understand.

"And I was busy, between that and working . . ." Between what and working? Between being horned up and working? Too busy to sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone I'm married to, or get out. So I will get off on the convenient slab of flesh at hand, my captive audience. Hey, it happens to be a patient who is depending on my services as an ethical practitioner. But I'm strapped for time and my horny little Willy is calling. Can't you idiots understand that?

". . . so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients." Yes, it was easy. Some were ill and vulnerable. Besides, these patients were "chicks." What an educated, enlightened way to refer to the piece of meat you are hitting on because you are so horned up. Chicks and bulls. The poetry of the SideMan cannot be surpassed. He will bring you flowers too. But remember, you are always the action on the side to the SideMan.