The Dirty Seven Sisters

In the world of relationships and dating, often men catch the most flack. But women are no angels either. While the guys are more up-front about their total non-matability, these girls use the bait and switch tactics and their behavior only emerges after they have bagged you. Stay away from these Dirty Seven Sisters, stay away, unless you want a lifetime of misery and an empty bank account.
PMS Queen: Perpetually Menstrual Shrew. You walk on eggshells because she is either Pre-menstrual, Positively menstrual, or Post-menstrual--but any way you look at it, you are getting on her last nerve and she lets you know it.

Needee Nellie: Clingy, emotional black hole. Calls every 15 minutes to make sure you still love her. You are her life. Sits by the window waiting for you to come home, follows you around, goes to ball games and hunting trips with you even though she has no interest in them. Throws herself at you physically on the first date. Pulls the U-haul-It truck up to your place on the second date, ready to move in.

The Material Girl: All about money, goods, and appearances. 3 divisions: (1) Gimmie Monie: “Show me the money and that’s all!” (2)Prettie Pennie: “You better not mess up my hair, self-tanner, lip implants, nails, or makeup! I spent all day on them!” (3) Thingie Wingie: Material objects are the center of her life and conversation. Like the devout worshipper at the statue of her God, she lights a candle to the object of her reverence: Things.

Shopaholica: Always shopping for someone better. You’re good enough for a booty call but she is really looking for someone better than you and lets you know it often. When she is out with you, her eyes are all over the room, she’s hugging and kissing other guys, or talking about how “hot” someone else is.

Wedding Belle: Lives for the wedding; already naming the kids on the first date. Writing your last name and her first name together on the place mat. She wants the storybook wedding but what happens afterwards? You don’t ever get to see what happens after the happily ever after in a fairy tale: Baggy sweatpants, greasy hair stuck to her head, sitting on the couch reading romance novels.

The Mom: Knows best. You are just one of the kiddies who can't get it right. Momma knows best. I married Mrs. Right, Mrs. Always Right, 100% of the time. Granny panties, big maternity bras. Cleans up after you as you walk through the kitchen. Bossy in bed—down, up, faster, slower –here I’ll do it myself!

Psycho-babbler: Analyzes the relationship until it dies of dismemberment. Discusses it all until it is crushed beneath the weight of her endless talk. Super intense and emotionally fixated, she can become a stalker.

Do not get involved with these women. They will not get better with time. Think of them also as potential mothers for your children. That may put some reality into the situation when you are caught up in the hormonal rush.

For more insight into these love-spoilers, see my book Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters.