Stressful bundles of joy

Do you think that having a baby will cement a relationship that is going downhill? Sometimes it is a desperate attempt to hold onto to something that was already on the decline. That's because we have this ideal picture in our heads of a wonderful, smiling baby, holding out its arms to us to offer unconditional love and bringing us closer to our partner.

But a new scientific study says that the birth of children has an immediate negative impact on even blissfully happy couples. That new bundle of joy raises stress and reducing satisfaction levels of husbands and wives, new research says.

Satisfaction drops at birth
Reasons for the negative toll kids take on marriage vary between men and women, but researchers say satisfaction levels start dropping as soon as children are born for both men and women.
They studied 218 young couples (about 26 years old), 132 of which had their first child in the first eight years of marriage and 86 who had no children. Marital satisfaction declined in both groups, but more suddenly among those who had children.

Sudden increases in problem intensity, poor conflict management, and decreases in relationship confidence were seen in mothers after birth. A sudden decrease in dedication to the relationship was seen in fathers.

Mothers/daughters--fathers/sons
Mothers with daughters had greater decreases in marital satisfaction compared to mothers who had boys. This is consistent with previous studies that have shown that male children are associated with lower rates of divorce and higher marital satisfaction. Perhaps this is because, on the average, fathers of girls are less active in childcare than fathers of boys.”

Child care takes a toll
In about one third of the relationships studied, women reported significantly greater relationship problems caused by the birth.This may be because women take up the major share of the child care and, if they were working before the birth, have many more employment-related adjustments to work through.

Less together time
One of the difficulties that couples face after birth is that their together time without the baby is dramatically reduced. So there is less opportunity to enjoy the things they enjoy about their partner.

Constant care
So think hard about your decision to have a child. Too often we don't realize the constant care, cleaning, and feeding that puts our own lives on the back burner for many decades, often with no thanks. Instead, we picture that this smiling angel will add to family happiness and contentment. Yes, of course we love children--but their impact on the romantic relationship between partners cannot be denied.