I'm black; you're white, yellow, red

Where do you stand on interracial dating and marriage?

Interracial romance has been an issue in the United States since the first English settlers. In the 1600s, Maryland banned interracial relationships between whites and slaves due to questions over whether the offspring would be considered black and property, or white and free. Many other states followed Maryland, with laws that banned interracial marriages and relationships. When slavery was abolished in 1865, southern states issued Black Codes that continued to prohibit relationships between whites and blacks.

Even where interracial relationships weren’t outlawed, mixed couples could face serious consequences within their community. In the 1800s, a visitor from England to Buffalo, New York, described the situation of an interracial couple he met. “The wife (a white woman) was despised by the wives of white citizens, and both (the husband and wife) were shunned,” he reported. “They never ventured out together. If they did go out, it was usually after dark. On one occasion, the man was mobbed and nearly lost his life.”

Decades later, white society tried to prevent interracial romances. In one case, a young white woman’s grandmother placed her in a mental institution after the granddaughter announced her engagement to an African American (Elaine Landau--Interracial Dating and Marriage). When a young black man named Leroy Gardner enrolled in Bethel College in St. Paul, Minnesota, in 1943, he had to sign a formal agreement promising not to socialize with the white females on campus.

In 1967, a law was passed that cleared all legal barriers to interracial marriages and relationships. This legislation made it legal to marry interracially, but many people weren’t willing to accept these relationships. But now things have changed. Especially with the new generation.

According to a 2005 Gallup Poll of teenagers across the country, 60% who go out on dates say they’ve been out with someone of another race or ethnic group. The poll also shows that most Americans approve of interracial dating. People are getting used to growing up with different races, and are feeling comfortable with it. The majority of teens view interracial dating as no big deal, and see it as “just dating.”

Some families may be hesitant about an interracial relationship at first, but will come to accept it when they see how serious you are about the relationship. However, other families have mixed feelings when it comes to interracial relationships. Lisa Diamond, a researcher at University of Utah states that, “Some parents expect that their children will follow the dating models that they have set out. And often that model is one of sameness, not difference.

For parents, seeing their offspring dating someone of the same race and ethnic background, the same religion, and same worldview feels most familiar and comfortable. Crossing racial lines remains a taboo for many.” Concludes Diamond, “All parents, motivated by love, concern, and a deep desire to protect, push for a course of action that they believe will lead to the fewest complications.” Interracial relationships may seem complicated and troublesome to some families, and that is why they don’t want their children in that situation.

Despite a more general tolerance regarding interracial relationships, there can be severe family friction if you insists on a relationship with someone from another race. Some parents may do everything possible to end the relationship. They may openly state negative views. They may forbid you from seeing the dating partner, and threaten to disinherit you if you do. Some couples try to keep their relationship a secret from their families in order to prevent arguments. This usually leads to more trouble when the family finally finds out.

Yet, overall, studies prove that racial barriers are coming down as people test interracial relationships for themselves. Gregory Clark of Louisiana College, states that, “People should start using the content of one’s character to find a date. Rejection on the basis of race is an unfair practice that deprives us of the opportunity to explore the personalities of people of other races. The more open we become to others, the more likely we are to find the ‘right’ match and eliminate prejudices and hostilities toward other ethnic groups.”

However, some people still don’t think crossing racial lines is a good idea. They see people involved in an interracial relationship as selling out, or trying to achieve a higher social status by dating someone different. They believe that people should date within their own racial and ethnic groups in order to maintain a strong sense of community and belonging. They see same race dating and marriage a source of strength and unity, and their sense of community would be destroyed if someone dated interracially.

People have been victims of name-calling, hate mail, and obscene phone calls due to interracial dating. The greater the color or difference in appearance, the more the couple will be noticed. Not only does that couple have to deal with the normal stresses of a dating and marriage, they also have to deal with the results of challenging what society dictates as "right."

But more and more people are willing to take the chance: “It is nice to be with someone who has a whole different background and view on things,” says one caucasian woman, dating a Mexican Jewish man. Another states: "I'm in an interracial marriage, I'm white he's Native American, and my family absolutely loves him. I'm just really happy my family has been really open minded no matter who I or my sisters have dated (my older sister has a black boyfriend and they have twin boys)."

When you choose a mate, it is about your happiness, not the opinions and beliefs of other people. As the War and Peace lyrics go:

"Love has no color
Believe in love
Love has no color
Believe in love
You know you know you know you gotta believe
Believe in love."