Single dad/mom sexual do's and don'ts

You're a single dad and you met a single mom that interests you. The lunch date, with all the smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes, was a success. Then you went out on other dates and found you were more than intrigued. 

Of course, you are going to eventually ask her to come over to get to know each other better, in a deeper, more sexual way.

Here are some Do's and Don'ts suggested by Single Dad Supreme, Peter Ehrlich, who lectures on the hip, sexy and nurturing single parent.

Don’t: Assume she’s a desperate single mom.

Do: Assume she needs you to go slowly. Women can turn off the “sex tap” for years if the situation is not right for them. The last thing she wants is for you to come on like you're young, dumb and full of you-know-what. Consider that she might need to start slowly. Just because she agreed to have sex with you doesn’t mean she agreed to rush it.

You have everything to gain by being patient and letting her take the lead. You have everything to lose by showing her from the get-go that you’re not tuned into her body rhythm and that you don’t care about her feelings.

Don’t: Assume she wants to hear about your ex. 

Do: Assume she wants to be the only woman in your mind. Even though you both have exes, the bedroom is no place to discuss past angst. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you will turn her on by mentioning your ex in a less-than-positive light. She only wants to know that, at that moment, in your bed, you only have one woman on your mind -- her! In fact, she wants to feel like she’s the first woman to ever be in your bed. Get it?

Don’t: Assume you need to be a great experimental lover.

Do: Assume that it’s back to basics. Don’t think that your single-mom lover wants to perform all the positions in the Kama Sutra at the very start. Again, get a sense of where she’s coming from. Do you have the basics down pat? Have you kissed a lot? Are you able to tell each other what you like? And have you actually become friends? Toys require trust -- and you know darn well that you need to be friends before you can trust. 

Don’t: Assume your sex won’t be “intercourse interruptus.”

Do: Assume that the children -- hers or yours -- come first. You’re in the middle of some lovemaking. When Murphy’s Sex Law kicks in: Her cell phone rings. It’s the babysitter. Her son cut his finger and needs to go to the emergency room for a stitch or two. So what do you do? Do you show disappointment and pout? No. You say, “Baby, that’s OK, I understand. Your son always comes first. I completely understand.”  

Aside from the fact that it’s the right thing to say, there will be a huge payoff next time around. It’s likely to go something like this: “Now where were we? Oh yes, I remember now. I guess I’ll just have to make up for last time.” 

Don’t: Assume she wants to be a single mom again.

Do: Assume you should have condoms. I don’t think I need to explain anything here. I will, however, add this: It never hurts to have a medical document in your drawer that shows that your recent STD tests are immaculate. She’ll feel much more relaxed about what’s coming next and love you for being so responsible.

Don’t: Assume that single-parent sex needs to be serious.

Do: Assume that it can be a lot of fun and playful. There’s something unique about the relationship that a single parent has with their child. It’s so focused and one-on-one simply because you’re often their only home-based playmate. The positive aspect of this is that your child has taught you one of life’s most important lessons: Life should be fun and it should be about “playing.” How many times have you asked your child, “What did you do today?” only to hear that one-word reply, ”Play.” Take their lesson to heart. As a single parent you know how important it is to play, so play with your sex life and have fun!

 For more on this subject, see my article, Sex and the single mom.