Personal ads: Demanding and funny

Some personal ads are ridiculous, especially when the writer is demanding. He or she sets out a set of criteria they want others to meet. While they are setting out these standards, they are revealing themselves to be clownish and amusing. Never mind whether they can meet their own demands.
For example, here is a man who wants the world. But before he tells you that, he wants you to know how disenchanted he is with the club scene:

"I'm looking for someone who is First of all faithful. If you have a bad habit of cheating no matter how well you are treated (in every way) then please move along. I don't go out to clubs. I've been there, done that got the T-shirt and moved on. besides people in clubs aren't real they only seem to live for the right now

instead of looking ahead. I'm looking for a lady that likes to keep in shape. Big beautiful ladies, you are great but it's not what i'm looking for. I'm looking for Beautiful, smart, trustworthy, classy, and a bit naughty. I don't think i'm asking for too much. what do you think?"

I'm going to test you
Here is someone who lets you know how angry, hurt, bitter and wounded they have been by their past relationships. They are shouting:

"DONT NEED GAMES/DRAMA! LET NATURE TAKE IT'S COURSE! LEAVE A SMILE OR MSG AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS ASOON AS I CAN HAVE FUN HOPE U FIND WHAT UR LOOKING FOR IM L00KIN 4 MEN BTWN THE AGES 0F 26-35 0NLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There better be chemistry!
Here is a nice lecture on what it means to be a partner. Listen up or you might not measure up:

"I would like to find someone that is a partner. We support each other in everyway. Its great when we’re sitting alone with that someone and you don’t have to say anything but still feel comfortable with the silence. This someone must like to have a good time going out and comfortable sitting at home watching movies. Someone that cares about other people and must be loving and affectionate. Someone that is not trying to impress everyone that they come into contact with. We have to have the chemistry otherwise, there is no hope."

Wino
Here is someone who wants a woman to be like a bottle of wine:
"I would say I'm looking for that woman that is like a special vintage wine. The one you never get rid of no matter how much money is offered to you . You keep it forever slowly savoring it's flavor. Taking a sip here and there but never emptying the bottle."

Balls
Finally, you better have balls, according to this lady:

"I need a guy who can show me a good time, cuz i get bored on my own. I'm just looking for love, and this is my last resort. I don't wanna be alone. I work at a dunkin donuts, it blows, but i support myself, and i like it. [...] P.s. if you don't have the balls to stand up for me, then please go away"