Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right

"I want Mr. Right eventually, but for the time being, I've got needs, and Mr. Right Now will do just fine," says one young woman. But does this hurt her in the long run?

Emotions
I say yes. The way women are constructed makes it emotionally difficult for them to hit and run in the bedroom. The author Laura Sessions Stepp wrote a book on the subject: Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both. She says "The way chemicals are released in the brain during intercourse is very different in men and women.

Oxytocin and testosterone
"In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, 'Leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else.' So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why."

Different design
Women, because they are the bearers and nurturers of children, are not designed by nature to have casual sex and feel all right about it. That is may be why alcohol-consumption rates are going up in women. They are taking part in these one-night-stand sexual encounters, believing they should be strong about it. And they' do it over and over again. At some point it denies their own biology and desires, so they drink in order to prepare for it, because it's not what they want to do. And they drink to dull the pain of the day after.

Risks
Casual sex has the well-known risks of sexually transmitted diseases but another risk is depression. Surveys show that, due to oxytocin, the shorter a relationship, the more likely it is for depression to be the aftermath.

Casual sex may make later relationships more difficult, particularly if it becomes a pattern. As Stepp says, "Trust is elusive. You don't learn how to trust someone; you don't learn how to treat someone in a caring way. And I think if you don't get to practice those things, it's going to be harder down the road to have a successful relationship or marriage."

So, sure, go out and find a man who turns you on and have fun with him, but don't hook up with him so soon. Wait until you know him better. The sex will be better too.